Butthurts, Circlejerks, Labels and Jellyfish

In the past few years there's been a rise in the number of anime and manga fans, and subsequently Cosplayers. People being people, and by that I mean a stupid ignorant mass that is the general demographic of society, brought with them a rudeness and aggressive outspoken attitude that the spoilt youth tend to harbour.

The community as I've said before is like a big dumb animal incapable of fine motor control, much like me after my second white wine spritzer. It responded with a flurry of activists who very harshly in turn with almost bullying tactics to label the newer harsh ones so permanently that it was unthinkable they would grow into a member of the community that we could one day appreciate. This happened, this can't unhappen, but this response action grew and deformed like white blood cells attacking it's own body in a horrific irony of ever escalating actions. Honesty is out of the window and in comes the fear of speaking your own mind, instead I see people ignoring the truth and praising completely ridiculous shit and each other. Hell go build a campfire so you can keep warm cracking each other off. If someone does speak their mind holy mother fuck here comes a lynching harder than all of the MCM Expo Forum moderators coming down on someone for saying they don't want to buy a wristband.

Craft foam is not a good replacement for a backbone.

One of the things that pisses me off more than my Barber's shutting at 5.30 when they said they shut at 6 is when the inevitable "reason" comes out. Problems, life dilemmas, baggage, all out in the public view as if you'd get arrested for doing that out in the street. Some people suffer from problems, nasty heavyweight bonecrushing paralysing stuff that's like trying to carry my monthly food shopping in one go. I've got about 250 people from the community on my facebook. How many have real problems? 10, 15 at a stretch. The rest are able to actually take a step outside of the door, talk on a mobile phone, talk to new people.

For every emotion there's an "extreme" and these never get explored. I'll tell you about one guy, not saying who. He attends classes to cope with anger issues, his home life is not fantastic because his family are idiots and the parent who is the world to him is disintegrating in front of his eyes. He puts on a brave face and doesn't tell anyone that he's always 3 steps from screaming and hurting people like he used to do many years before the community knew of him. But you wouldn't know it, because he knows that getting attention doesn't fix anything, just unfiltered anger kept on a tether that could snap so very easily. He appears as any other guy but you wouldn't know beyond that is a wall of rage. If you ever feel insecure, or paranoid once or twice then get over it, good for you. You don't have it on 24/7, or constantly fighting back your demons when you're trying to be a good person but getting shit thrown back in your face. Toughen the fuck up.

I find there's a lot of "Us vs You" and segregation in places where it shouldn't, especially in the anime/manga/cosplay community. We pride ourselves on being open to all, yet get past the free hugs and the facade of open minds and you'll see we're really not. You'll get invited to events/cons/expos/meet ups and then on the day you'll find yourself in a group of strangers none of whom wish to talk to you if your cosplay isn't ridiculously awesome or if you don't have something to offer them. Thankfully it's not all like that, just the ever increasing vast majority.

I came to realise that it's all a power struggle for a small collection of people who wish to have a little control and attention from others. Maybe it's how they get by, but if you aren't liked for being who you are when you take the costume off.. you're wasting your time whatever you do.

~Warai Otoko

You're Not Anything Special

I read something interesting in the news today, about The Law of Jante.

Today we live in a world of perpetual adolescence where the average individual of age tends to indulge in childish notions. I'm no different, I make engine sounds a lot, even when I'm driving my car. The internet is a wealth of knowledge yet many don't get past Facebook, Twitter, or that site where I download porn with hedges and shrubs. It's all so easy for you, yet unless it's linked to you and given on a silver platter in a bitesize format it will be lost to you forever.

The Law of Jante lists a few things that can be summarised in two words; Be Modest. However even this is too difficult a notion to comprehend because it means you've got to utilise your gray matter to work out how to implement and use such advice. We need to break it down further into an idiot sheet of what to do and what not to do, hence why you see factsheets on how to attend a fucking convention by yours truly, goddamn you're welcome.

It makes me feel pretty wrong when I have to spoon feed it to those who need it, because I'm enabling their dependence on babyfood information. Trust me, I feel pretty wrong as standard after seeing an Ent orgy and there's no limit of sodium hydroxide showers that I need to feel clean again. I thought we were getting somewhere, that free hugs and idiots were dying out. Seems someone threw some pocky on that fire and cranked up the Carmeldansen to 11 because suddenly there's a fucking outbreak of stupidity that makes me feel like giving my eyes a shower with a bottle of concentrated Listerine.

I personally think the community in it's entirety has become an Elephant. A grand majestic beast, exotic and huge. But it cranks out so much shit you could almost drown in it. If you're not careful it can crush you. It will devour and consume a hell of a lot then want more. The adolescent males sometime stink like shit and for some stupid reason they just won't start charging at you thinking that's how to get a mate. It's an awe inspiring icon of strength and fortitude, but my fucking hairy Odin-chin it's a slow ass motherhubbard despite it's renowned "intelligence" is still a pungent beast who communicates through grunts, shrills and bad broken Japanese.

Go see what the Law of Jante is all about and remember all of it. You're no better than everyone else, you're nothing special, you're not above anyone else. You got that? Now tell me after all your planning of shit that revolves around you is it worth the hassle and stress you get from it? Do people like you more or less now? Are you the kind who is so concerned over people liking you that you're not even doing it for yourself anymore but doing it it because you want people to like you? This attention seeking irrelevance is choking anything good that we have. 

Well if "likes" were cakes and candy you'd be all full with magical di-ha-beet-us, right? But it's not. Oh shit, sit down, do you feel okay? I better get you some water. Drink it all, good kid. Btw that was neat vodka, man the fuck up.



I've said this before; the true megastars of the cosplay scene are people who have these things in common;
 - They don't care if you like them or not
 - They're doing what they love, for themselves
 - They won't make you feel like shit for not having a professional grade costume
 - They appreciate effort and energy
 - They will freely give advice and encouragement

Hell even I'm too shy to thank Xaerael for his inspiration and knowledge he shares because I think I'll melt into a puddle of giggly shit cus he's goddamn amazing at his stuff. Yet I don't see him waving his shit in everyone's faces or even trying to become famous. He's doing what he loves, just another one of us.

This was never supposed to be a popularity contest, and the stupid thing that those are won by not even trying. I don't envy those with the most attention, or the ones with the amazing outfits. I envy those having the most fun.

Hours, days, years and many years. That's how long it takes to get truly good, when you work on your passion for a sickening amount of hours and you feel like giving in but you push through like some kind of masochist with a sewing machine. It's truly hard to say how many hours because the only real answer to that is how long is a piece of string? Just be prepared for that string to be long enough for Kim Jong Un to fashion into his latest Capitalist message interception net.

Society promotes quick fixes in fame, and that stamps on effort and passion like how my upbringing stamped out basic emotions such as empathy, sympathy and not punching people in the teeth. Quick fixes are as wrong as this list of shite I just pulled from the MCM Expo Group page;

 - Douchebag who posted his mobile number on a public page
 - Dickmuffin who posted something about intended to throw paper shuriken. Law suit in 3....2...
 - Self righteous justice fighters who don't really know what the crapola they're on about
 - A kid who used the N word profuuuuusely (Yeah he went there, ain't nobody got time for that)
 - The axewound disharge who posted for a free hug. I seriously don't know if that is obvious troll or not.
 - The pikachu onesie group that makes me wish that I didn't live on this planet anymore
And lastly the fact that the group is a prime breeding ground for creeps, paedophiles and image whores which gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside when shit is deleted without warning. Oooh, nostalgia.

I fucking love bullet points
~Warai

Ps. You're lucky I'm not linking the Glengarry Ross speech.

Convention Review: Gemucon 2013 [Cupcakes, Beachballs and That's so Gemubaby]

Reviews, we love reviews. Seems everyone and their pony is doing reviews, but this isn't so much an account of how I felt but what the Con was to me. If you want to write a diary try livejournal, or a little book with a flimsy lock on it that will protect your feelings.

Last weekend I attended Gemucon 2013 and it was a very interesting convention. I'm sure all of us who had attended enjoyed it thoroughly and are sitting comfortably cracking walnuts, coconuts and other consumables that humans usually use tools for with our thighs, after having to use all 20 flights of pain stairs to get to the games rooms.

Gemu for me started on the Thursday night where we kinda picked a venue that was too good for getting wasted at. I met Jakeachu and Rilack there where Jake and I jumped up and down shouting "SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS" to persuade Rilack to do silly shots with us. I'll not get into the machinations of how that went but it was a pretty awesome ice breaker, even if Rilack bought me a shot of something I could use to neutralise most toxins or strip the rubber off a car tyre. That troll convinced almost everyone to get classy and dress up then turned up in a T shirt.. Pains me to say this but well played good sir.

Accommodation
I didn't actually stay at the Britannia but I did see the rooms and although small they were not too shabby. A friend of mine stayed at the Park Plaza which was across the road and insanely spacious and nice, I tried to camp there but he was having none of it. I stayed at the Travelodge down the road which was okay apart from the drunk Nottingham people and the pub next to it, don't expect to sleep there because it'll annoy you senseless. We found out the joys of earplugs that stay, or drinking yourself into sleep/unconscious. Still for £25 a night it was pretty budgetcon and you didn't need to walk past reception to get to your room.

Food
Again did not stay at the Britannia, but we were in Nottingham City Centre. All you had to do was sneeze and several noodle shops would pop up.

Conventioning
The opening ceremony was a little slow to get going, as well as Friday night party. In all honesty I walked away from it as there was no saving that. What hit me right off the bat was the amount of socially awkward individuals and the boy-girl ratio made me think that females were suddenly DLC only. However the attendees were very well behaved and much quieter than most Anime Con attendees which was nice. Though the thing about smearing the free cupcakes on the banisters pissed me off; you'd need to be pretty fucking retarded to think that's a fun thing to do. Oh fuck, what to do with a free cupcake firstworldproblemsohmy... Smearing cupcakes on your body is horrible and wrong, it disgusts me and makes me wish there was a porn for it.

I can't remember most of Friday other than hobbling about in a half-assed daze being hungover and gallivanting around as a TF2 red spy.

By the time Saturday came about it was pretty widely known that punctuality wasn't a strong suit on the con, but it's rare to see that at most conventions anyway. Most of the day was spent going up and down the stairs in the Brittania hotel, with the stairwell caked in coffee cups, empty energy drink cans, glowsticks and the sweat of a thousand cyber athletes. You lot probably didn't know those muscles existed and now you can't even sit without getting a rash on your inner thighs. The games rooms didn't look so bad but I had to re-inject my bloodstream with cans of relentless by the time I got to the top, so I didn't really get an opportunity to have a game in between fashioning an IV drip out of tescobags and more spent glowsticks. I'm not gonna lie when I say this con had glowsticks, glowsticks everywhere, in your ears, in your hair. Though there was a table at the top with a sheet of paper that was available for doodling so I wrote "FOR A GOOD TIME CALL 0800-R-I-L-A-C-K"

My little crew had come prepared and caked ourselves in UV reactive and glowing gear, enough to make passers by think everything went nyancat. We got to the party and were begged to get it started. You asked, we delivered, you're welcome. On a serious note I gotta say I was happy that DJ Snap was there but I'd heard a lot of that mix at Kita and Ame and at Gemucon itself in the same fucking set you played it in! I really love DJ Snap mixes and the first time I heard the Kita mixes there were special times in my pants, but I was so drunk I was drinking near neat vodka (it was a mixer for my rum) and even I noticed everything sounding exactly the same as anything uploaded on Youtube and the Pokémon track played twice. The only thing that almost nullifies my arguement here is that Gemu is not an anime convention and as far as DJ Snap could be concerned Gemucon attendees are a completely different crowd (that said the fucking flyer was handed out at anime conventions that Snap had played at). Still it was something I had looked forward to and I can't help but feel short changed on that.

Fucking beachballs. Not the huge kind, we're talking football sized ones. Sure if the dancefloor is heaving a huge beachball would be cool but when you put a couple of beach balls in a sparse dancefloor that is 80% guys, you'll get a fucking kickaround. Who's idea was it to go "hey man let's fuck up a rave by playing keepy-uppy with balls that blow away with the slightest light fart"? If y'all kept it to yourselves then no problem, except for the sweaty lads landing on me who made me wish I'd wore my Metal/Rock gear, maybe impale a beach ball or three. Hell son if you want a mosh pit I'll show you a mosh pit, put your WKD down and put your damn shirt back on.

I owe DJ LastKnight a very hard kick to the ribcage, when DMX vs Thomas the Tank Engine came on I folded up and laughed my rocks off. Then I looked round and saw half the crowd looking at him, and the other half trying to carry on dancing to it regardless. That was it man, game over; I almost blacked out from laughing too hard and my girlfriend thought I was having an asthma attack on the floor. I think I'm still bleeding inside my chest, LastKnight, you chug lyf motherlugger.

The Geekton factor was one of the highlights for me, though half my team didn't turn up it ended up with myself, my girlfriend in the cosplay she won the masquerade in and four very young attendees who knew a fucking shit-ton of gaming knowledge. Big thank you to Zelly for the special sweeties for me, they were a sugary party in my mouth. There were a couple of teams at this event who were a bit too serious for their own good and not really the kind who where there to get into it and have some fun. If you get too serious you're not having fun, so shut the fuck up and appreciate your damn prizes from the Shite Box. Also for the person who had a glowstick leak on them; forgive me for not shouting; "BATHE IN IT".

Cosplay was slightly stranger than many Anime Cons, I won't say there were a lot of cosplayers and the Gamer crowd really brought out some special gems like the nice girl who won the Masquarade as Eliza Casshan from Deus Ex. I caught up with her and found out the entire cosplay is hand stitched from pleather taking her months to do entirely from scratch. If you cannot comprénde then think about a boxful of kittens playing with some string, haha they're so cute aren't they? She even got a douche to do some sewing for her the night before. Props to her and a deserved win I say. The Executioner at the Masquarade was amazeballs and really shoulda socked it to That Link Guy- OHHHHH SHIT SON YOU THOUGHT I'D FORGOT ABOUT HIM. Him. Well, to those who don't know The Link Guy was some douche in a Link cosplay who practically annoyed everyone he came into contact with and played his ocarina so much he had requests to stop playing. And guess what guys? He vlogs too. If you're reading this Jimmy, then I'll kindly re-direct you to my response to your shenanigans. In any case the masquerade was short and sweet; some stunners and some time wasters, I'm looking at you Link. I also heard you got banned from the Convention on sunday night, life achievement unlocked! 5G.

(Side note: don't go flaming the fuck out of him guys, it's far too easy.)

Now I'm not sure what it was about that side of Nottingham town centre but we saw a lot of non-convention drunk people. A drunk middle aged couple fell down on a traffic island and we went to help them, I watched because I'm a pretty shady looking character as it is and me helping up a drunk well dressed guy in the streets looks like a mugging from too many right angles. We spent another 10-15 minutes watching them amble up the road, that was entertainment right there. Then there was the hairy rambler who wanted me in his band, had to tell him my name was Marcus The Octopus to get away only to find the damned noodle shops were all shut. I shoulda taken him up on the offer, everyone said my first album should have been "Freshly Baked" (We ended up in Subways). I can't say shit however, I got so drunk Thursday, Friday and Saturday that come Sunday night I was drinking near neat vodka and struggling to get a happy alcohol rush. I ended up giving it away to Leon whom I hope it hit him like a brick to the cornea, I got you bro, I got you.

There are mixed reviews on Gemucon but I for one thoroughly enjoyed it. It felt a little like a Fushicon and that's not a bad thing, loads of connections were made and in-jokes made too. Most of the hate seems to come from things that no-one could have helped and I get the feeling that some of you wanted to it go down the pan. But it didn't and there were a lot of people who enjoyed it. Any haters? Headbutt a moving train and leave us to it.

But let me draw next set of conbadges? I draw mech and girls. I promise that whatever I draw won't have any extra elbows. When I pointed that out to Tomska he threw it away like a soggy nappy/BNP leaflet, still I really wanted that drawn picture of him with his willy out. Hah gaaaaaaayyyy..

Shout out to the girl who ran into a mirror, the guy who flipped his shit because he lost a quiche, the person who puked a trail of puke from the bar to the toilets like a magical technicolour yawn/rainbow path. GG
Shout out to the guy who looked like Tom Cruise and bought me a Guinness. GfuckingG.
Shout out to Team Neko, Conn, Rilack and Jakeachu you happy awesome buggers

There are so many people I can't highlight you all, so Gemucon, all of Gemucon, GG.

~Warai Otoko

Ps. I wrote this in stages to make sure there wasn't anything I missed. Of course I probably did, anything you'd like to highlight please stick in the comments box, mail, tweet or flash your ankles at me... Phhhwoorr...

Conventioning 101

I was approached by Rilack of Gemucon to write up a guide on how to convention for beginners for the Gemucon Conbook. This posed a bit of a problem because I really wanted to do it and I was kinda shitting myself because I had to tone down my usual sarcastic doucheyness. In fact Rilack told me to make sure it was readable by anyone 16+ regardless of the fact that many attendees would be Xbox live players and well versed in the art of profanity. In any case, my review will be up shortly of the convention itself, and here's the article I wrote for it. There will be a few things echoed from Conventioning 102 but I'm quite happy with it.

How to Convention 101

Hello! And welcome to Gemucon 2013! My name is Jae, I’m a blogger under the name of Warai Otoko and everywhere else I’m JaeXD. Disregard my bad grammar, I warn you there will be a lot of it and an excessive use of the comma. In fact if anyone here studies English at a degree level or teaches it, please do not read any further and forgive me for setting any potential students back a few years in their syntax. For those of you who know me and my blog you’ll fare pretty well as you know the score, but unfortunately I’m not allowed to go full throttle here or Rilack will beat me with the Fist of Rukt.

    So here’s an article on how to maximise your time at a convention by yours truly, so if you really want to grab the action by the polar regions then read on, you lucky lucky people.

This is pretty straight forward and for the most part echoes the rules of the Convention, which you should go read if you haven’t done so. It’s okay, go ahead right now and read. I’ll stare at you uncomfortably as you do so.

Done? Good good, read on.

Food - Eat it. I don’t know how some people forget to do it, I wind up cranky and cantankerous if I haven’t eaten for more than an hour (more so than usual) but it’s understandable that there’s so much to do/see that you don’t think you’ll have enough time. Thankfully Gemucon is in Nottingham city centre, so run out and grab a bite to eat.

Drink - For conventions pack some isotonic drinks and make sure you drink the entire bottle if you start to feel a bit run down. These are pretty damn handy in the morning after a hard night’s thrashing around on the dancefloor like the greatest Magikarp attack impression. Regarding alcohol; adhere to the rules of the convention on that and if you do drink then do so with consideration. The committee are all issued with gravity hammers, just so you know.

    I’ll assume many of you are gamers who love carbonated beverages and the energy kind. Many of you however aren’t like me in that your blood isn’t mostly comprised of coffee, or XtremeCaffeine whose adrenal glands have biceps. I implore you to take it easy with the energy drinks or you’ll have a ridiculously harsh crash that’ll make you feel like forgetting to save your progress on Ninja Gaiden after those damn fire spider ninja shank you in the coccyx with those exploding shuriken.. For the love of Jenova, they were out of view on the screen how could I see them!? …  So take it easy on the energy drinks, unless you too cannot function without eating ground coffee beans or a bowl of cornflakes and relentless instead of milk.

   

Etiquette - Don’t get me wrong, when you’re in a place with a few hundred other people who share a hell of a lot of your interests it’s rather easy to feel like we’re all mates. In a sense we are, but like that friend who you don’t see very often and you have to get to know a little better before you jump on their back and start screaming “Death To The Covenant” and let’s be honest you can’t even do that with your best mates half the time, if I had mates I could put that to the theory. So don’t jump on or glomp anyone which is doubly important if they’re in costume.

    Let’s say you see a Chun Li cosplayer, I’m the first one to admit that yes I once had the hots for her sprite way back on the SNES with SF2 Turbo. I mean holy sugar mitts, dem thighs. Sure she was only a handful of pixels but what I would give to have her spinning bird kick me... Lost about half an hour in thought there. Anyway, you’ve got to remember that Chun Li isn’t a real person and that lass in the cosplay, no matter how amazingly stunning she is to you is still a real person who has every right not to be leered on or be treated as an object. This also goes for the guys with unholy chiselled abdominals or in that costume you girls love, for the love of Sparta don’t fling yourselves at him like soggy lovesick ragdolls. If you want a hug just ask, it’s okay to hug just ask before you do so you don’t accidentally damage cosplay. I like hugs too and one day I’ll get one from a real person too.
    Ask before you take photos and whenever possible exchange details on where they’ll be able to find the photos. Also let whoever you take a picture of have a look and say on whether you should keep or delete the photo. Nine out of ten photos of me look like I’m eating a tennis ball or about to go into hysteria mode, and I know you’d appreciate it too if you had the chance to ask for a re-take so you don’t end up put online looking like you’re having a happy in your pants.

Looking after yourself - Get a freakin’ shower at least once a day and use deodorant. You lot are pretty lucky, 5 years ago at conventions it was rare to shower and you could literally see the funk emanating from individuals. But we aren’t gonna do that at Gemucon, are we? Are we? HMMMM? Good. Now remember, lather, rinse, repeat. Always repeat. There’s another part to that but Rilack says if I mention how to have fun the “Jae Way” he’ll have at my kidneys with a plasma sword..

    Pack your medication and whatever you need to keep yourself running in sound condition. Personally I have a bag for painkillers, inhalers, mouthwash, engine oil and plasters. Having an emergency sewing kit in there would be pretty damn handy too.

    For the important stuff; always carry your ID on you and show your con badge so everyone knows who you are. Don’t carry any more money than you need and zip/button up your pockets to be on the safe side. I might sound like Daddy Jae here, however you need to remember that there will be a lot of people there and things can go missing unless you make sure you know where your personal items are.

Sleep is key for a good convention, sure some people pull all nighters and consider themselves the party equivalent of a visible pantyline but if you want to get the most out you need to get some quality sleep in. This’ll save you from shuffling about like the missing zombies from the Wii version of Dead Rising and on top form if you’re in any game tournaments. Don’t think that caffeinated drinks can save you from sleep either, when you need to sleep you need to sleep. Unless you’re Rilack; he doesn’t sleep, he waits.

What I’ve mentioned so far is common sense, but above all please respect those around you including anyone staying at the hotel who isn’t there for the convention. No, that’s not Pheonix Wright or Rude looking for Reno, that’s some guy in a suit. Probably. Don’t shunt/push or use your bodyweight like a meaty snowplough if you want to look at a stall. The hotel isn’t your house either so don’t think it’s fine to scream down the hallways shouting FUS RO DAH in your Dovakin fluffy hat. Hotel Security totally won’t get the joke and you won’t either when they find you. In fact go read the rules again just for good measure. Yes I am staring at you again.

    Make use of what’s available to you for the events, there’s so many on and it would be a waste not to get stuck in. There’s game tournaments, a cosplay masquerade and my favourite; The Geekton Factor hosted by Team Neko. If you like to party, and we love to party, you’re in the right place; when you see that group of attendees who’ll look like they’re having a cracking time you should go ask them what the cheat codes are to hadouken your boredom in the taint. Get stuck in and make friends, don’t be afraid to ask someone about their costume or just get up and say hello. Try not to disturb anyone whilst they’re having a break from being in character, I know I like to finish my sandwich/AA battery/coffee before I get back into the swing of things.

    Lastly, if you spot a committee member, take the time to thank them for what they’ve put on for you and maybe buy them a drink to say cheers for the gig. A little appreciation goes a long way.

That’s all from me but if you’ve got questions feel free to find me and ask. But I’m not telling you my badgename ohohohoho!

Remember folks;

>Eat
>Sleep
>Breathe

>Vidya Gamez

Conventioning 102

I should really do a "Conventioning 101" however that more or less gets covered in many FAQs for first timers at conventions. So here's my version which is for intermediattes, experts and more importantly the bored and energetic. It'll be stuff I do, stuff I don't do but want to, stuff I don't want to do anyway and stuff that is stupid enough to have you catapulted to The Convention halls of fame and/or stories we take away with us.

I should also note I'll do a seperate one on "How to Tokonatsu" and that'll have a downloadable disclaimer which exempts me from all responsibility and also entitles me for 80% of impending royalties if you get super fucking famous from it.

I'll assume that you too are a heavy drinking knobhead who has a decent tolerance/dependence on caffeine. Not everyone drinks beer (but bloody well should) so I'll factor that in.. reluctantly.

Amongst your standard crap you bring, YOU WILL NEED:
Hipflask
Moneyclip
Hat (I recommend bowler)
The glowsticks that aren't bendy
Wet wipes
Hair spray
Mouthwash
Contraceptives

Your hipflask is important, don't fill it with anything less than 15% alcohol unless you have an alcohol tolerance of a southerner or you'll be constantly refilling it. I prefer scotch or absinthe as the extra alcohol acts like a cleaning agent against bacteria and memories of *that* girl doing *that* dance.

Before you get to the con, prepare! Personally I'd suggest getting enough money to make a run to the local supermarket at the convention itself to avoid heavy luggage. Sometimes you can't do this when you're so arse-bleedingly far from the convention that you're rogered without a car (Kitacon, Tokonatsu). If you're in a town centre that's even better; root around the biggest supermarket for the best deals to bring back enough intoxicants to render you and your bezzies technically flammable by the evening. You'll need it. Be sure to get some powerade too, or any isotonic drink. Great for hangovers and sobering up fast for when you have to explain why you took a shit and set it on fire before flinging it at your -former- mates in the world's greatest pokemon impression. Of that monkey thing with the fire. You know the one.

Parties are awesome and rocking out in your cosplay is even better. Big kudos to that Belle in the ballgown (Beauty and the Beast) who was headbanging with the rest of us plebs. But you wanna go all night and be alert, we all know alcohol is a depressant so it'll slow you down. Check into a sports shop and get a sachet/bottle/vial of a pre-workout drink. This has a metric fuckton of caffeine and other stuff designed for sports people to ramp up their workouts like a coked out hummingbird. Big alertness and little to no "crash" because they're designed not to. Just be prepared to not sleep till the next day.

We love food, and we need food but somehow a staggering amount of you forget to get food and put it in your face. Personally I'm not quite sure how one of your basic survival requirements gets forgotten, but no worries. Just wake up and get down to breakfast (if there is one) to stuff yourself silly, take a bag too and see how much you can sneak off. I was so close to being able to carry round a mug of coffee with me last Kita.. so goddamn close.

Feel like you wanna stand out a bit more at parties? Don't feel glamoured up enough? Are Team Neko making you feel inferior because they somehow managed to wear so many glowsticks that if XtremeCaffeine  dances hard enough you'll see rainbows on your vision for a week? Some things we can't help such as Team Neko's insane love of glowsticks, but what we can do is find a few T shirts that glow/uv react. If you're a fan of Cyberdog like me, you'll know they're the best source of rave gear (If anyone wants to prove otherwise, feel free to direct me where to throw my money for more rave gear).
Getting on Ebay will also get you to bulk buyings of glowsticks and it's always good if you wanna get loads with your mates or if you feel like handing them out like the creepy man giving away sweets at the playground, because everyone wants what you got.

At times you won't feel like you've got time, and drinking takes time, right? WRONG. Carry some straws in your pocket so you can shotgun entire bottles of beverage as if you're sipping it. Don't do more than 3 in one go unless you have a stomach of titanic proportions or you wanna show your mates what you meant by "Technicolour yawn". Though if you can/want to do more than 3, whether it is bitchpops or beer please take a video of it and send it to me. It'll make a change from all the hedge porn I'm getting, but hey who wouldn't sign up to "Fuckin' Shrubberies XXX"? I also suggest having an alcoholic beverage in the shower/bath, as this is always super fun, unless you're blind drunk then I accept no responsibility for you braining yourself on the taps. Please send pictures though.

Making friends may seem tricky and some people resort to signs. Now if this were a good idea then signposts and lamposts up and down the country would best mates. In fact some have more than me, but let's gloss over that because I don't want to spend too long wishing I had friends as I've got to make some fake profiles on facebook and kid myself for a bit longer. A good way to make friends is to compliment them on their cosplay and be down to Earth and somewhat more corporeal than many present themselves as. (However due to that many people won't be ready for someone actually down to Earth at Expo, and may react adversely such as hyperventilation, broken bad Japanese, guttural throat sounds, severe defecation and sweaty hugging). I wouldn't even try throwing catnip or balls of yarn at the catgirls or furries, it's a waste of time and they just steal your fucking yarn for use as a free prop.
However you didn't come here to do things by halves, so here's what you do; find the party animals. I'm not talking about that girl who blazes herself like a moist teatowel across the forums in an effort to show how cool she is, there's like 7-8 different ways this would pan out as bad but I'm already waist deep in Angry Lesbian ranty mode here and if I go anymore I may as well cut off my junk, buy a chequered shirt and quiff my hair. You must find the Party Animals, these beasts of conventions are actually tough to find and a rare species. Some may even get wasted before the parties start and get carried off by their mates, I can't even dream of being that awesome. Not in public anyway because you can get in trouble when it's apparent you've got a raging boner. Finding them depends on experience and you'll have to be prepared to stay up all night, but I know you little fuzzybums are hardcore and you can do it! Best place to look is to the committee/organisers, they'll know who to tell you to find. It'll be a crazy night but well worth  it, take along at least one full bottle of vodka and leave your mobile phone in your room.

Yatak's Con Essentials is a golden set of rules for any weeb at a con, however rule 7 is quite important;
Bring Condoms. People actually do the horizontal shuffle at conventions, and the last thing you want is to be caught short and use one of those white ones with TESCO written on the side. I'm joking, don't use a tesco bag as contraceptive. You've got more class than that, use a Sainsburys one.

Hanging out at the bar with your mates is a staple of the convention. That feeling of knowing you spent a crapton of money to be there only to do what you can do in any bar back home for free. Use this time to get nicely wasted with that bottle of JD in your bag so it looks like you're getting drunk on cola. Also check out what special drinks they're doing for you special con-goers. These are always full of win, such as the infamous Amecon Back Door Smasher. Anything alcoholic that is named after reaping great vengeance upon one's coccyx has got to be good. Get 3-5 of them to make sure it really tickles your taint, you'll like it after the 4th, honest.

You're waking up in bed as if the Hulk had teabagged you into it, half awake with a mouth full of funk and a head full of hurt. What do? Well don't stay there, you're wasting time! Drag your sorry ass to the bathroom and get a powerade down, or water. Drink it all in one go if you can, you need to process that fluid before your morning Guinness. If there's a sachet of coffee, eat that and get in the shower, right now I don't care what you do because no amount of cleaning will remove those memories but you do need to get yourself straight. Put the Rocky theme on, Eye of the Tiger and pump yourself up! (Personally I do this, but with the intro theme to Fist of the North Star, the not Gackt version). I tend to bundle my clothes into sets, so I pull out a set of clothes in a neat bundle. Clean yourself, chew toothpaste in the shower and get something to drink. When you get to breakfast start on the eggs and meat, high amino acid profiles/protein will assist in breaking down the alcohol in your system. Lots of coffee and/or a Guinness to top up your iron levels should seal the deal. And yes, I did say eat the coffee granules, don't be a pussy.

When you come to the sunday of the Con, try and pack your shit up the best you can and find something to put all your alcohol into, like a fishbowl or some shit. I guess you could save it and take it home, but you gotta carry it and waahhwahhhwaahhh. Don't mix beer and liqour unless you're ridiculously awesome to the max. You've got one more day of the convention to shuffle through so smash back a pair of paracetamols and have at it like the worlds most fabulous swashbuckler. If you're lucky they'll play the Pokémon theme at the party so you can do all the actions to it, if you're lucky you may win some new friends. .. That's a lie, it never works, no matter how heartfelt my actions to the song are.. OHH YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! IN A WORLD WE MUST DEFEND!! .. My best friend... friend...

By the time it comes to Monday morning then you are on your own. Hopefully you'll feel like a bag of smashed arseholes with equal amounts regret and joy. But that is called living and for more information leave a comment or email or something, yeah.

~Warai Otoko

New Year New Events New Douchery

I'm not going to stand here and pump you all up like a special guest preacher at the Evangelist family redneck special fun day about how great 2013 is going to be, because today is Tuesday and yesterday was Monday and that's how it is for me. Be honest now my little mufflewumps, nothing really changes as if by witchcraft and court orders against that really creepy girl we all "sorta know". (She'll get you eventually mate, and you said being a douchebag to her was just mean. Mate, I saved my own damn hide. Learn how to say no if you wanna avoid 3 years of being the one getting dicked down.)

I highly doubt I'll be going to many Expos by MCM unless I get dragged there to extract the urine, it's a headache in a monkey's vagina that I can very well do without. I may have to take this back if I have a ridiculously good cosplay I want everyone to see so that I can have one day in the year where I don't cry myself to sleep. I haven't seen much change in 2012 as I have done over the last few years. A lot of cosplayers are younger now than we've had before and we're seeing some crazy effort put in; but I'm not too sure if we're seeing that because there's just more people now and by lieu there's a fuckton of half-assed Ls and Naruto's at a Bahmitzva than I've noticed.

New conventions and small events! For me that's where it'll be this year. Gemucon, Tokonatsu, Fushicon and on the other end of the scale I'll try and get to Ayacon (No promises). Being new to an event brings back some of the magic and last Toko was my first. I had high hopes for entering the masquarade for next Toko however my girlfriend is an insanely awesome cosplayer that makes me look like I made my shit out of Animeleague flyers, banana pulp and kleenex; she's been made a Judge for the masq as she keeps winning it and now I'm either gonna have to learn how to weld or sit this one out due to potential calls of favouritism. Now, where's that arc-welder..

I've met more really interesting people by going to conventions than I ever did through expos, and I guess that's where it's at now. Expo used to be a place where you met people, now it's swelled so big it's become a microcosm of the English Society; keep to yourselves, don't talk to strangers and move along there's nothing to see here.

What I really love is the creativity of conventioning. Humans are pretty stupid meatsacks but sometimes this stupidity is an amazing source of entertainment through ingenuity. Last Amecon a friend of mine realised he paid almost £200 for a room he barely used, there's tons of places to sleep and if you can borrow a mate's shower/floorspace for luggage you're all set. I've even heard of the room rota, you get 6 people to a room, they have 1/3 of the 24hour day to sleep in the room. It's so stupid yet my OCD loves the efficiency . I don't know wether to smile or frown and it makes my face ache so hard I want to tear out my eyeballs and fill my sockets with Patron Gold. The same friend who decided to "HoboCon" wants to see if he can pitch a tent. Again my common sense wants to tell him to stop using JD Honey as the water component in his coffee, yet Tokonatsu springs to mind and I'm still drinking my HoneyJack Coffee.

Shameless plug times;
Gemucon 5th April - 7th April - Nottingham 
Places are already at the 250 mark, and it's filling up. FREE CUPCAKE FOR EVERYONE GUARANTEED.

Gemu Pre-Con Party 4th April @Brass Monkey - Nottingham
If you can make it to the PreCon, we've got Happy Hour prices until 3am and single mixers/bottled beer at £3. Brass Monkey is my personal favourite bar and a classy-ass place to be but you don't need to dress up. Cosplay and stupid/in game meme T shirts encouraged.

Looking forward to news of future conventions and as always keep the news/comments/confessions of love/suggestions/ransom notes flooding in. You can get me on my email, twitter and for anyone in Yorkshire I'm three hills north past the pointy rock as the afternoon crow flies.

~Warai Otoko

Convention Review: Amecon 2012 [3 Mile Walks and Backdoor Smashers]

About this time about two-three weeks ago I was at Keele University campus for Amecon 2012, my first Campus based convention. Two main things that stand out from a campus based convention is that there are less general public around and you'll have to do a fuckton of walking. That aside, it was quite enjoyable. It would have been more enjoyable if I hadn't broke my goddamn 2 litre stein when I checked in, but I guess it was karma for me not to walk around with more beer than is humanly logical.. Fuck you Karma. Fuck you.

The only major downside I found was the cost and the difference in facilities. You see, to pay a bit extra gets you a lot more however that cost to start with is already fucking painful to start with and you do run the risk of feeling like you didn't get your monies worth if you don't throw yourself into the deep end.

So lets get started!
Accommodation
Standard student halls. Okay so it's the most expensive part and you get a choice of ensuite or non. Personally I went ensuite because I like the option of hosing myself down after a technicolour yawn in case it's not as tidy as I had hoped. Having been through a variety of student accommodations in my heyday as a dirty student I can say it's pretty decent, albeit the motion sensitive "Jedi" showers were a fucking pain in the arse to operate/adjust. The rooms were tidy nonetheless and functional. They even gave a little kettle and tea/coffee thingies in the room which I thought were nice considering it was a university not a hotel.

Food
Breakfast was pretty fucking awesome. Seriously! Though the coffee was liquid shame the rest of it was on par with some of the large hotel conventions; Hilton standard at least. From there it gets sketchy, food is available from a studenty type restaurant but till like 4, then you've got takeouts from what I believe or the mini-mart on campus where you can stuff for later. Handy as there are microwaves in the kitchens at the student halls. And for the really hardcore twats out there, ovens! Yeah, check that shit out.

You can do what I did and get a chinese take-out on the Friday (furama palace I think) spend about £5 and get enough food to last you 2 days. I'm not joking, massive portions and value for money. Unless of course I had stumbled upon magic egg fried rice that never ends, stranger things have happened.

Conventioning
Holy feckerama, there's so much going on and I even managed to wangle myself into the Masquarade! The committee, or rather Ilpala was really sound about me getting in last minute; no groans or hiccups and for that I'm really thankful. I've even gotta hand it to GrannyGertrude for his announcement for me"Alan Gabriel from Big O- BIG-O BIG-O BIG-O!" A thing Big O fans get from the ridiculous intro sequence. That pretty much made it for me, and my first masquerade was a lot of fun. Big shout out to Tino and Rob for being legends with the facepaint emergency, muchos gracias.

The masquarade itself was a little unorthodox for me as I'm used to seeing one single stage, this one was all the way through the Student Union with several stop points and I'll be honest I was so paranoid about being as good as I could be that I probably ran through the entire thing like a coked out butterfly. The Masquerade briefing could have been a little better rather than a glorified role call -IT'S PRONOUNCED "VALLON"- but hey we got the gist.

Party-wise it was pretty hit and miss, catering to a lot of genres but again that's what the convention scene is about; varied tastes that generally hit within the mainstream of our collective tastes. I got my DJ Snap conventioncore set, which had me rave out like a Disco-Fu after an eyeball injectionful of DMAA. Something was pretty awesome about the Student Union Layout; if you didn't like the nightclub part you could go next door to the very warm and welcoming bar, play some pool, get a cheap ass drink, have your backdoor smashed in or be entertained by the hilarious bar staff. Saying the "drinks were cheap" is an understatement along the same depth as "Neil Armstrong was a cool guy" or "Mike Towers is a bit of a shady character", because how much better can you get other than Student Bar prices? I barely spent £20 the entire weekend, maybe £10 of drinks bought for me because I'm a classy mother hubbard like that, I probably consumed about half a bottle of Kraken Rum too and found myself nicely inebriated through the entire gig. I didn't get drunk off my face because due to the walks I'd have found myself waking up in a hedge or in a tree with a crown.. I'm looking at you Cid. I had quite a few shots called BackDoorSmashers which was essentially everything in a shot and tasted like a party in my mouth, you know the kind of party that ends with the police getting called round several times and someone getting knifed with a broken Pink Floyd CD.

As a conclusion, anyone who is into the convention scene needs to attend Amecon at least once and get in the deep end. Although not as glamorous as Kitacon it does the basics incredibly well and the sheer scale of the Con is not something to be missed. Though anyone used to a Hotel Convention will find the area difficult to cope with at first, once you nail the timings you'll be fine.

Pack a camera and take along a little more maturity than you would normally, this is one convention where you can get a hell of lot out of it. A lot of friendly faces and appreciators of the more obscure cosplays.

~Warai Otoko

Convention Review: Tokonatsu 2012 [Tents and Alcohol]

About this time two weeks ago I attended Tokonatsu which is essentially a convention where the accommodation is tents, in a field. £10 to hire a tent and free accommodation to take your own tent. This of course gets taken advantage of by those overcompensating nards who bring 18-man tents just for themselves.

I'll try to structure this as best as I can and not just ramble on like an angry lesbian in Burtons.

Accomodation:
TENTS. Fuckin' tents. You make it as comfy/rough as you want. Parking is limited but free.

Facilities:
One water pipe to service all 250 or so people on site. One. You know Dr. Rich thought they were kidding when he was told to take a cup into the shower to collect the sad dribble down the shower wall to throw over himself. Oh how we laughed.

Pack a shower cup.

Food:
You get free breakfast lunch and dinner, but trust me when I say it's quite spartan. For a 5'4 girl of 8-9stone, this is fine. But there was the stock up at tescos and the liquid diet I'll get to later. For someone like me there were the emergency McDonalds runs, and Toko actually provide a tesco run service and Dominoes Pizza so it's not like they don't give two flying shits about you. However they will not spoon feed you so it's up to your own sad ass to get up and make use of the available services.

Conventioning (Meat n' Tatties of the gig)
Toko being in a really nice campsite (no shit it's really fucking nice!) has a few outdoor events that any other convention can't do, such as Frisbee/battleroyale/extremestalk/waterfights etc etc and they're all unique to Toko. However the rest being the DDR tent, the Anime tent, and the drink yourself silly in your own or someone else's tent. No real parties as such, there's one but it's a campsite what do you expect?

Yes, you know it, you've been waiting for it and some of you mufflewumps actually skipped ahead to this; Alcohol. Toko does not have a bar, the entire event is a bar. We took a fair amount of booze and decided to  take it easy what with consistently being in the dehydrating outside. Powerade saved our lives, coincidentally did you know if you mix red powerade with vodka you get StealthJuice? Tastes like sweet fuck all yet gets you smashed harder than physics in my mind.

Overall Toko is exactly what it claims to be and delivers on everything it says it will. There's no hidden extras, no gimmicks and no complications. If you love roughing it, being outside and getting into it like Ray Mears doing Carmel Dansen, then Toko is highly recommended. Though I can guarantee you less than 10% of anyone who does cushy conventions, you know they kind, they have running water and beds and solid roofs; will not enjoy Toko.

What the 'Otoko says:
FUCK ME THE WEEBS. Weebin' here, weebin' there, weebin' errywhere. That aside, we met some really nice folks, and that again is down to Toko being incredibly down to Earth. You can meet someone and have a nice talk with them, hunker down and dismiss 9/10ths of the superficiality/crapola you'd get from most people at any other con.

Pack suncream, hygienic wipes, alcohol, deo and always get up early for breakfast. Any questions since I probably missed out a metric fuckton of shenanigans feel free to leave a comment and I'll reply.

~Warai Otoko

Anime Expo/Con + Alcohols: "Inebriation is Magical"

When you go to a convention or expo there'll be certain types of attendees. I won't get into the classification, just for one group; the Con Drunks. Generally you can find these bastards at the bar, always at the bar getting smashed before a panel or if you're at an AL event you'll find the con drunks wearing a con badge itching for the cheapest weakest babypisswater applejuice cider they can act tough with. Alright mate, put that kopperberg down before you hurt yourself.

Some of these wonders of society actually go to panels and do stuff. I'd like to think that I'm not a con drunk, even though I spend a lot of the time at one under the influence but then again I have the alcohol intoxication control of an anorexic straightedge long distance runner. Doesn't take a lot to get me drunk. But why do we turn up, get drunk at a place where we PAY to do stuff that is better done sober? Well, because it's fun, so shut the fuck up I'm not here to discuss why, go suck a dick.

Now here's someone to stay away from, don't even try to help this con goer because chances are you'll get yourself tangled in a right ass-hat of a mess. It'll happen just before the end of party/evening and you'll see someone (probably in a vocaloid or kingdom hearts cosplay) scream down the phone at someone and cry into it dramatically. Seriously, turn the fuck away, go to your room and go the fuck to sleep. You'd be a pretty daft vagina to go to them and ask if they're okay because holy shit their plan for attention worked! Guys, don't even think this'll get you any poon because if it's a girl she'll most likely spring a line on you so heartbreaking you'll think she's been stuffing pocky in her ear to make her brain taste yummy. Lines such as:

 - I only like Japanese people
 - Oh I can't! My heart belongs to Negiri Atshitsukehamayama-Kun
 - I'm bi, and that was one of my lovers on the phone
 - No my character would never do that!
 - Can I just be your pet?
 - You pronounced Onee-sama wrong!"

(These are all real lines btw)

Another group to stay away from, just ignore is the Walt Brigade. A Walt is, as the wonderful ARRSEpedia tells us a Walt is a wannabe soldier, re-enactment cnut. Push this to the storm troopers, elves, steampunk clique, or any group in some form of uniform. Not all are as bad as the ones at the bar who sing faux-war songs and shout out their rank as if they were in 'Nam, then again what do we know; we weren't there.. man. Just steer clear, or make a drinking game from how many times they do something cringeworthy like circle jerk or spray hot seedy ego boosts all over the highest rank; as if they were a bukkake party of salutes and "yessirs". I love storm troopers though, if they keep the full costume on cus that's dedication so I'd let them off for that.

My personal favourite drunk is the kind who doesn't know who what or where he or she is. Hilarious, because if you fall into this catagory you deserve all the trolling that's coming to you. Seriously the last guy I managed to convince his name was Rufus and he needed to fetch Scowny a coffee.

Generally what happens when you throw over dramatic and emotional unstable weebs in one place, add in every Bleach soundtrack then add alcohol is a lot of broken friendships. It happens every convention, it's like three stacked mountain goats couldn't see that coming.

~Warai Otoko

Ps. May post more on this later, you lucky lucky people.

Perspective

Every individual who has the gift of all (or most) of their physical senses, perceives the world in their own way. Some people see everything as it is, some see more, some see less. It's all a matter of processing the information presented to us.

You'll come across certain individuals who do or don't think about how they see the world and how the world sees them.

The introvert may think too much about it, and is paranoid as to how they'd be seen by the world. They stay quiet, on the sidelines and watch. They wait for the right moment to say something safe. The extrovert may upset a lot of people, but not care how they are seen. We've all come across someone who is both liked a hell of a lot, yet is tolerated at the best of times.

I've talked about how it is with the community, how suddenly you'll feel in a different world full of drama, turmoil and heightened emotions. What we see and how we are seen are not fixed and universal, and unless you max out your effort and try to please everyone you'll have as much negativity towards you as you will positivity. That's just how it is, some people won't like you just "because".

I don't mind anymore, or rather I don't care if anyone wishes to be superficial around me purely for my attention. I can see what you're doing and you're mistaking my apathy for blindness.

Try to please everyone and you lose your integrity. Act like you don't care and you'll lose friends, and if you don't think about what you say if you choose to gossip about someone's private life then you've already set yourself down a very miserable path. You don't get anywhere through talking smack or spreading rumours unless it's to remove obstacles out of the way or your incredible talent. If you're mediocre, bland, average, hell if your talent is even above average, great, amazing or wonderful; it's still not enough to pull you through if you're making yourself out to be a gossiping little shit. It all adds up. People may say they forgive and/or forget, but there'll always be that lingering feeling, how you've wronged them. You'd be very lucky if things go back to how they were, the best you could do is make something better than it was.


I don't usually type things without it inherently having a purpose or message. Otherwise what's the bloody point, I'm not here for attention or to show you how hilarious I can make metaphors like how the last time the Tory party all pulled together was in the showers in the boys changing room at Eton college. Hell I can't even tell you what to do because then I'd be a douche for telling you what to do and softer than Mr Stay Puft at an opium den.

It used to be that we'd have a handful of friends and slowly branch out, the faster we gain friends the faster we lose them. Anyone you have known for less than a week is not your friend, they're someone you know. Though I could easily extend that to months, years even.

If you're not hurting anyone, go do what you do. There'll be haters, and that's their problem not yours. But if you are making someone's life difficult then you're just a c*** aren't you.

Just think about it, not a lot. Just enough.
~Warai Otoko

Ps. Fuck you.

Merchandise and Cool Stuff

Most anime/manga fans have some kind of badge/headband/scarf/gratuitous scarring of some sort to tell the entire world of their hobby, as if they enjoy rubbing it in everyone's faces with calloused knuckles. If it's not the cosplayer who wears their outfit for no real purpose other than meeting friends in town, it'll be that douche with the naruto headband or Elric jacket. Hell I even saw one jackass with Kamina glasses, which just made him look like a white Squirtle. Use your sweat blaster attack!

As part of that crowd I kinda can't help but do it too, and I hope I'm not one of those wet sacks of blubber with what I own. I've got a very worn down DBz wallet which either gets me looks of disgust or lots and lots of conversation from hidden DBz fans. At one point I had a huge stencil of The Big O on my satchel, though a lot of ham-brained idiots thought it was transformers, the fucking numpties. But that's as far as I'd go, because we'd only have those items for one of 2 reasons; We properly love the series/item/character or we like the accessory. Anything else makes you one of those attention whores who hopes someone will notice their Ciel plushie and green wig (seriously, why the green wig!?) and go "hey you like watching the manga too? What anime do you read?". Let's face it, if you've ever put on anything and thought "I hope people notice me because I'm advertising this media" you may as well tattoo "DOUCHE" on your forehead. You can use your naruto headband to cover it up.

Sure you could plaster yourself in plastic crap like some kind of christmas tree that tokyopop vomited on, or you could go to geniunley decent places like Nerdycupcake that sell various awesome stuffs that doesn't make you look like you'd buy any old shite as a token of credibility. Seriously, go there now and check it out.

Most of the time we have the T-shirts that have some ridiculously niché meme, of which this is funny but I swear to Odin that one that has any reference to 4chan earns you a one way ticket to faggotcity. What a lot of people don't realise is that if you wish to be closer to your anime/manga, then stop caking yourself in merchandise to decorate yourself like a single woman in a mid-life crisis, and start wearing quirky yet nice things! Nerdycupcake. Doooo it.

Before I sign off, I wanna say what's worse that the pissbuckets who wear shit just to get noticed. Not only do they lower themselves to the standards of the free-huggers; a sub-species that has been proven to only have <10% brain capacity which puts them at the same level as a mentally handicapped spider monkey, but for fucks sake.. why are you absolute bastards when we do actually notice you've got an alchemic array on your glove or we saw your cowboy bebop shirt? It's not enough you just jizzed your pants because you got the attention you hungered for but you have to be a knob about it too? Being too nonchalant and blasé that you come across as patronizing and elitist, well you can fuck right off. Then fuck off some more, and when you've fucked right over there, fuck off again. You fuck. I once complimented a girl on her anime theme jacket, I got a dirty look and an inaudible response. I mean it would have been completely perfectly fine for her to have done that if I had my hand down my pants gripping my junk hard and asking her if I could smear a fine layer of my seed over such a sweet jacket or that it would have made a decent rag for my weeping third eye. But I'm quite sure I didn't bring my tackle into the conversation, and before anyone goes "But she might have been shy!" Bullshit, bullshit comes out your mouth you arseface. Why don't I bend over whilst you blow smoke up my poopshoot too because there's a hell of a lot of weak-ass pricks using that "I'm shy" excuse to make life easier for them. And no, she was not. She was just an ass.

~Warai.

The Misuse of Epic

I'm sure there's something floating about the web that tells the faggots who over use the word "Epic" just what epic is. The ocean is epic, Bear Grylls is epic, almost everyone on the Badass of the Week site is epic. Yet you, you there with the emo flop premature comb-over and the nyan cat t shirt, you are not epic. 

I do funny things, like once I convinced a girl that if she licked a drinking horn enough she could stick it to her head, or the time I did a front flip in a dance tournament and ruined the game. I got told I was epic for that, and I had to convince myself that's just gratuitous praise and not to smack them with a dictionary and rant at the unconscious crumple that if I were "Epic" I'd have summoned the forces of Heaven, Hell, Asgard and a Gurhka Soldier to aid me in said dance tournament (let's be honest, I'd have still lost).

Someone uploads a video to youtube, with no obvious talent or skill, yet throws out crap about their fandoms as if they wrote/drew/animated/slept with the sponsors/printed the media themselves. Someone, obviously lacking in proper judgement, tells them they are epic. Sound familiar? Unless the youtube video has a clip of the talker in a dimension where one must fight a centaur to the death with a Klingon Bat'leth in order to win the right to talk about their fandom, then no my fuzzy plebeian, no, this is not "epic". 

I was recently told of someone at a previous convention who got drunk, danced then had a funny picture taken of them sitting at a table in a cafe/shop/homelesss shelter/kennel (I didn't give two flying shits) in full cosplay, and that it was epic. Okay, maybe some folk see things differently in their heads, but if you want to know what it's like to get Epic at a convention I'll introduce you to my friends Cid, and Crimson. You'll wake up with a head full of regret, and feel like you've lost several years of your life span. "Epic" is not without consequences, that's why it's Epic.

There's also the debate on "epic cosplayers", so I'll lay out my basic guideline on how to rate them, starting with the base line, the standard cosplayer. 

These guys may or may not buy their stuff online, and look like every other cookie cutter cosplayer of that character. Nothing special, just that character. But that's okay, if somewhat chronically lacking in imagination and aspiration, they set out to tick the minimal amount of boxes and that's what they did, as if they have a quota on how much ink to use in their box ticking pen. They look like that character, job done, look at me, I'm a fuckin' sheep. Nothing "Epic" about it, just "A Cosplayer", nothing more, nothing less, doing exactly what you should do and unable to break past that. 

A little bit of imagination goes a hell of a long way, and it's a risk that the brave or the stupid take, mostly the stupid. I've mentioned before on how hit and miss this is, but when it hits it'll hit hard. 

I'm going to use a Cosplayer who most of us know of, I hope you don't mind me writing about you Xaerael. He's won some big time prizes for his stuff (go look them up, you ass) and this is my personal opinion of why; he not only takes on some ridiculously tough projects but two in particular; Nina Tucker and Skekskil hit a nerve; Nina because her story is incredibly sad, tragic yet so very twisted, the sight of that particular version of her evokes an emotion many individuals would rarely feel. In layman's terms it's like feeling like wanting to cry, vomit and get angry at the same time... I'm so sorry for that analogy, Xaerael. Skeksil is from  a movie that uppercuts a fistful of nostalgia right in me taint, seeing that reminds me of that epic fantasy movie and thus evokes that rare emotion. Putting aside that Xaerael is a master of props and all that shenanigans, I'm not talking about the quality of the cosplay, but what the cosplay is. The quality part of the cosplay should already exist from the base of the Standard Cosplayer.

There's nothing wrong with looking exactly like your character, and in the process like every other person in that costume. You're all doing a fantastic job of showing your love of the character/costume, no really, well done. 

I don't have the answers on how to stand out from the crowd, or how to enhance your cosplay. All I can say is think about what other fans of that character love about it, but not the yaoii/yuri weebs, or any weebs. A little imagination, and love for what you do goes a long way. If you're fulfilling the minimum criteria there's nothing wrong with that, you'll just fade into the background. 

It might just be me, but I find that sometimes some people talk about things as epic when they want it to be so much more. It's only highlighting their own disappointment.

~Warai Otoko

No More Nice Guys/The Creep

Sometimes it seems like there's two distinct worlds. One of the normal folks who go about their daily lives like everyone else, then that of the anime/manga/cosplay community. Sometimes the contrast is subtle, sometimes it's as stark as mistaking a pint of Vodka for Water. Sometimes it's such a contrast, that you don't even see the differences because you're so immersed in it; a blinding tunnel vision of stupidity, and when you finally take a step back you realise it doesn't really matter if someone on the interblags mocked your taste in animu.

Here's something that starts off in the muggle world, falls down the anime "rabbit-hole" then lands face first in Wonderland on a trident to the eyesockets which blinds everyone to the faggotry of it all. 

You know that thing girls say, or even some guys say "I wish I could find someone nice.."? That's fucked up isn't it? There's no nice people, ever, you dickwads. We're all malfunctioning meat machines who bludgeon our way through life with as much grace as a drunk Disco-Fu with a cudgel. 

Sometimes we expect too much, sometimes we think we know best, that if we try our best to be nice, to be there for someone that they'll develop feelings for us and we'll win them over. High aspirations and trust me when I say you're not ready for the fall of rejection. 

Rule 1# No-one ever won someone over with their own feelings alone.

If the other person does not reciprocate, you're dead in the water.

You'd think that this would be common knowledge, like trying to stick gaffa tape on a wet surface, trying to mix oil in water or integrating your average hardcore AnimeLeaguer into a non-deranged-weaboo-y group without expecting blood. However you've got to give credit to the determined ones, who believe outright that if they pursue and pursue, they'll get their rewards. Maybe he/she will think of a romantic plan, spend time, money, effort on something nice with the hope of reward... Sounds nice, right? How many of you think this sounds nice, and how many feel a bit sick at that thought? I'm betting the ones who don't think it's nice have experienced just that.

Rule 2# Going to measures which cost time/money/effort and expecting something back in return isn't sweet, it's manipulative.

Do you really think that's attractive, to emotionally blackmail someone? Do you really think that's the epitome of selfless?

At this point the nice guy look, or girl for that matter, is goes down faster than the ratio of girls to guys at the average AL cosplay clubnight. Enter the Disillusioned Creep; this one is actually a nice person but for the life of him/her has no clue as to how bad they're making themselves look. 

An ex-gf of mine (Ahahaha fuck you, yes I am able to find a partner despite being retardely crippled in the empathy/emotional parts of the brain and several other non-essential human traits) once launched a rather viscous, yet hilariously weak attack on someone I was seeing at the time in order to try and "win me back". Now think about this for a second, how fucking retarded must one be to assume human beings work like magnets? inb4howdotheywork, the thought pattern "If I eliminate the one in my way, he'll have no choice but to come back to me!" The sentiment is quite sweet, really. But that's a level of crazy I simply don't want to get into, and trust me I dabble with crazy how I like honey; I like it errrrrywhere. But I'm still gonna think that girl is a fucking nutcase, yet she was a perfectly adjusted normal girl.

I'm not gonna type this and pick a side, because I'm greedy, I'll take everything or nothing. And in this case I won't pick a side. There are enough girls and guys out there who lead others on, who like to have in depth conversations with you about douchenugget #428 that treats them like shit and yet you're the one who gets the brunt of their whiny drivel. If only you can box up the verbal diarrhea that comes out and send it to douchenugget #428 with a "THIS BELONGS TO YOU, YOU ASSBAGEL. xXx" stamped on it. If only.. 

I know it fucking hurts to be there for someone for so long, only for them to get with a real ass-munching dickwad of a turdburgler when you know that you are 10 times the person they are. 

Rule #3 Complaining there's no nice people, then stamping out whatever little goodness there is in someone because you're so wrapped up in yourself is unforgivable. 

The world would be a better place if we stopped putting ourselves first, and thought about others.

At this point the Disillusioned Creep goes one of many ways, two in particular are the most common choices. He/she may surface out of the animu world and realise their actions have been that of incredible dumbassery, or he/she may continue and turn into that creepy son of a bitch; that next-level weapons grade unbelievable creep who gets a reputation and has to be mentioned so he/she isn't invited to certain things.

I've tried to help some of these individuals, I believed it was the right thing to do. But it didn't take long for me to realise I may as well go kick some shit with a pair of new shoes for all the good I was doing. Some people just don't want to, or can't learn. It's not their fault, it's not our fault, it's just how they are.

We all know someone like this, the kind of person who says the same line to everyone he or she meets to evoke sympathy.
"No-one likes me.."
"I've never had a girlfriend/boyfriend"
"They all hate me for some reason"
"All my friends turned on me for no reason"

Any sane person would have warning bells flag up, but give that person the benefit of the doubt before they reach a conclusion. I would, you should, and a small minority of assbagels would stupidly only go on someone else's opinion of someone else which is strictly positive OR negative, not both. So these weird ones continue thinking they're not doing anything wrong; invasion of personal space, being too comfortable/friendly, overstepping boundaries etc etc. Sound familiar? These idiots are partly responsible for making a lot of people look bad as it's always easier to remember the negative.

Sometimes we all need to stop and think for a moment in the terms of the society we live in. We are in the UK which aims for a multicultural, polite and sensible society. There isn't any room for asking people you barely know very intimate questions about themselves, pressuring the opposite sex (or same, whatever) into breaking down because you came on far too strong and relentlessly, intentionally making someone feel bad to get your own way or sending them crypic anonymous letters like some 18th century mincer.

Stop thinking about how you can get what you want, and just be nice. Don't take things so seriously, and for the love of Odin be realistic. 

On that same note, for my fellow men who've had to deal with years of bullshit on the "I wish I could find a nice guy like you" line, I feel your pain.

Here's Rabbit with a cover of Bad Religion's "Dearly Beloved" for those of us who've been there yet refuse to let it consume us.

~Warai Otoko

As a Cosplayer

At one point in my life I used to try and cater what I say to everyone, that had me crash and burn out because there's just no pleasing everyone. So I thought I'd just cater to the intelligent folk.

[Quick note before I launch into this; for you pricks who thought I was complaining in my last post, go suck a dick. That was a review, an observation, written in the way I write. If I ever complain I do so to the relevant persons so I don't waste my efforts. All of this is a form of journalism and blogging, you morons.]


This post is about hostility between cosplayers. It is not about what constitutes good/bad cosplay, nor is it a rant telling people what they should and shouldn't do. The fact I have to spell this out makes me not want to live on this planet anymore because some cretin will come along, get butthurt and completely miss the point.


Staying "middle of the road" does nothing to convey one's message, it's simply directionless waffle. I chose to play the Devil's Advocate or to be more concise; be vocal about being the Devil's Advocate. Many of you have thought about the things I say already, I know this because it's started more internet arguements than Religion, Drugs, Animeleague, and Goku vs Superman.* This proves that many people have thought about what I say.

*For the record Batman would fuckin' kick everyone's ass. He's the Goddamn Batman. He'd absorb Goku's energy attacks with his relay gauntlets, use the energy to pull a meteor out of orbit with a network of WayneTech Sattellites and plough that 72megaton space nugget into Goku's nutsack after having him chase ghosts and shadows on the dark side of the motherfuckin' moon. Don't even get me started on how he'd bend Superboy over and Leeroy Jenkins his internal organs with the Batfists.

I'll try to explain as much as I can because I've never actually seen anyone articulate enough to take the time and spell it out for everyone to understand. You see I'm a cosplayer, holy crapola no shit son. I don't claim to be the best, I have my strengths and weaknesses much like anyone else and I have my own reasons. I'm the kind who works to his strengths and has fun with what he does. However I see many who make it sound like they're not really having fun at all, and this confuses me. Why would you go do something to bitch and whine about it afterwards? Oh yeah, internets! Oh you!

In my last post I mentioned something about random fucknuts in certain accessories who claim they're cosplayers, many seen at Expo. There are no rules on cosplaying, but a couple of themes and I'll explain;

 - Have fun in what you do. It's about having fun, because the only other reasons you should be doing it is because it's a favour to a friend, or you're getting paid to do it. If you're doing it for attention, you're pretty much an attention whore, superficial, shallow, uninteresting and knowing you is more of a chore than a friendship.

 - Love the character, love the costume, or both. I'll not claim you should know the character, some of us properly fall in love with the outfit before we know anything about the character. Hell, the Japanese make a pasttime about getting into hobbies and knowing nothing about it (case in point is Gunpla, you get hobbyists who've never watched one episode of Gundam, yet love the mechs, models and putting the kits together. They don't even intend to watch an episode.) Again, reasons why you wouldn't do it for these two reasons fall into a favour, or getting paid. If you're doing it for the sake of having people take pictures and swoon over you, then you fall into the catagory I like to call the "Jeremy Kyle Guestlist".

Those two pretty much cover it, and it's not limited to Anime/Manga. Some people I know do it for movies, Sci Fi, TV, Internet etc etc. It's a massive spread of media.

But understand this; there are many who put more effort into these costumes than you could imagine. They may not be the grand elite, they just love what they do. Imagine how they feel when they see obvious n00bs at an event who've half-assed a cosplay. Sure these faggots are new to the game, but we're not talking novice mistakes, we're talking "I'm pretty sure Captain Hitsugaya has white hair, not a brown ponytail.." or "Hey, I know I don't read Kuroshitsuji, but did that kid with the eyepatch wear converse?". Seeing individuals who half-ass it, throw on a random wig, dress up in faux-lolita dresses and end up looking like teenie whores who've magnetised themselves and rolled around in Claire's Accessories, all of that is a bit insulting to many cosplayers. All this hard work we put in gets trampled on.

I know many cosplayers who go as far as changing their body type to be able to cosplay certain characters. I'm not saying everyone should do it, I'm saying be aware of the level of dedication some people put in. We can tell how much effort someone has put in, trust us, you don't wanna know how hardcore some of us get in this hobby.

Those who are blatantly out for attention/social acceptance I perceive in the same light as free huggers/douchebags who hold up signs to explain their cosplays/that school bully who couldn't read/assbagels who only stick to their own little cliques/hardcore AL'ers/alcoholics or people who like to be known as an alcoholic*. Basically, it's stupid, unintelligent, unoriginal, immature and just sad.

*Real Alcoholism is horrific, and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. It's an addiction and destroys families and people in the same way that using bad Japanese in your sentences destroys any shred of respect I have for you as a person, human, lifeform, mass of protoplasm, worm fuel. To brag that you are an alcoholic is stating you simply enjoy alcohol, you douchebag poser.

Excuses don't wash either. Such as "I'm Naruto when he's at his Bah Mitzvah" or "I'm cosplaying Guy Shishio if he was at the sexual health clinic" or "This is my Master Asia when he's at the beach".. Shit like that makes me wanna tear a weeb apart with a clawhammer, it's just excuses. Especially when it's so out of character. Maybe.. MAYBE you'll get away with something like "This is Ichigo cosplaying Zangetsu"; in fact I saw two truly inspired ones last Kitacon: Garrus Vakarian and Thane Krios from Mass Effect as Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction. Both characters are badass, and it's just makes sense, hats off to Manticore and Manjou. They nailed that harder than Thor with itchy hammer arm.

We've seen adaptations, some good, some bad. Some we can't help such as the gender transitions, and gijinkas. However I'm pretty sure than a pikachu gijinka wouldn't show underboob. Pikachu just isn't a "sexy" pokémon, unless that's just my personal tastes.

If you do find pikachu a sexy little bastard, then follow me on Twitter and read my brain farts since you're already a sick bastard it's not gonna do any more damage.

~Warai Otoko

MCM London Expo May 2012 - "No shit, son"

Coming to my blog and asking for a good review of the Expo is a bit like going to a Halal Butcher's and asking for a pork chop and a pepperami, you may as well be eating a bacon sandwich at the time.

So what are you here for? Ah yes, the inevitable grilling of a meatgrinder for logic that is MCM Expo. Bear in mind, you douches, that certain things here are fact, and certain things here are my opinion. Learn to distinguish the two, or do one.

Now, for all I've said about free huggers, I must say I'm actually impressed that I barely saw any. Sure I saw the shitty signs they made which looked like it was made in the special class with the broken crayons, but for me it felt like a significant decrease. So well done you plebs, your ranking in my books is less negative than usual. I did get glomped, by one little girl but I'll let her off. That level of joy for my character I was cosplaying was genuine, I just wish she could have used words and sentences but when you're a glomper I guess many neural connections are fused solid with stupidity. I'm kicking myself because I never got a picture of her friend's despair face when I turned her down for a hug. Bugger.

I had plans, and actual passion for stuff for expo once. I even had it prior to this expo, but as I got there it faded fast and I found myself pinned under the gravity of apathy. I just wanted to get out, and you know when you get that mini-sick in your throat?

Getting the tickets was okay, but a pointless queue after I got my ticket was just.. wtf.. I feel like asking for that time back. Literally queuing for nothing, I may be delicious with hot sauce but I am not livestock. But let's gloss over that.

Entering expo hall, holy crap I almost facepalmed so hard I tickled my brainstem with my elbow; Yaoi Guy RIGHT THERE. After all the complains about this dude, and they call ME a troll. I am, but I gotta hand it to the organisers for Trolling me and the other 10,000 attendees back. Placing a vile douche who screams and shouts about non-hetero sexual cartoons as the first stall on entering? A family event where you hear "GLORIOUS MAN SEX" Either this really is a troll or someone's getting the world's best reach-around.

The hall itself got packed, ridiculously packed. Wall to wall stupid meat shuffling around, I kinda think that the pointless queuing beforehand was a gentle way of grooming us into being livestock. It was actually interesting to see people walk in, take 5 steps then turn right and head immediately for the exit with a "FUCK THIS SHIT" expression. The Irish guy behind me said, and I quote "Feck me sideways Gary, ye said this was about anime not a clusterfuck. Shall I take me clothes off now, because I know someone's getting shagged in this feckerama."

Feckerama. Irish Guy, where ever you are, you sir are a Legend.

I don't see this problem of volume ever getting solved, it's gonna get packed in harder than that storm trooper and his armour with the 18 stone swagger.

Some other shit happened and some shit didn't happen, nothing really interesting about that. I can say that Security for the swim event, and the swimmers themselves were very pleasant and straight forward. They did have a point for moving the sitting Expo attendees for blocking a through-fare, we can't argue against that.

What did happen that I've just heard about is a little bit more serious than free hugs and that faggot who called my cosplay a Slenderman, lurk moar newfag, is that an attendee of the Expo went home with a broken leg. Put your pocky down, and read that again. Many of you may know a douche who drinks petrol called Crimson (nevermind the fact that he gets his alcohol from me). As they were walking his friend suddenly faceplanted the floor and let out a yell that pretty much told everyone in the 7 mile radius he wasn't fucking around. An open unmarked deep drain, took a couple of hours for the ambulance to arrive and the nearby hotel staff came out, looked at the drain, herpaderped and then covered it up/put signs up/stuffed the yaoi guy in it and cemented it over [/Ifuckingwish.]

Also this from Crimson:

Hotel Douche Staff: Yeah, that's dangerous.
*Geoff is screaming in pain*
Me: NO SHIT ASSHOLE.

Now, I hear this is the jurisdiction of the ExCel, NOT Expo for giving this guy a shattered knee and a bad Skyrim meme for the rest of the term of his injury. We wish him all the best and hope he gets better soon, and that the douchebagel who left the drain open gets a honeybadger to the crotch.

Well done ExCel. Well done.

Something else that hounded me all weekend was that I didn't see many stunning cosplays, sure there were tons of knobheads in wigs, but no amazing individuals milling around in the crowds. I didn't want to stick around for the masquarade, I wanted to go talk to someone about their freakin' awesome costume and all I saw was the same carbon cutout mass produced monkeys that were kicked through Tokyopop. I know for a fact that there are amazing cosplayers at the Expo, yet they choose not to be in the crowds or go round the expo hall much. Instead they have photoshoots away from the event itself. As these individuals create a void, the uneducated masses and have-a-go cosplayers take over the event.

For a moment, think about what just happened in the past 5 years. Anime and Manga got a hell of a lot more accessible, the younger crowd got involved and to those of us who have been in it for a while or from the start it all looks so superficial. That's how elitism begins. It's also how that undying urge to sock an L cosplayer right in the kidneys starts off.

MCM Expo is the event that caters for the masses, from the novice to the intermediate. The hardcore, veterans etc will find it annoying and a pain in the arse. The heavyweight God-Tier cosplayers go to showcase their works of art due to the size of the event.

This is where conventions come in, for those of us that have gone past Expo and need something else. I don't want to promote hatred or incite mob mentality for anyone who works really hard and it's clear that the  Expo staff work pretty hard, even if some of them are arsebagels. However they have a target audience, and if you didn't like the expo then you fall into a minority for them which is outside that target audience.

What I'm saying is support your conventions, and go all out at those events. They give you so much more and they're always a hell of a time. It makes me sad that Kitacon won't run till 2014, as that is by far my favourite. Where else could I get drunk, do a front flip, ruin a game, and win a pony all in 10 minutes?

(Ranzatsu, please do another Con! Hell I'll even do that satirical panel I said I'd do on how to deal with weebs. I'll make it so funny I'll get sued for multiple internal organ rupture from making the audience laugh so hard they have to sign non-disclosure forms and wear mandatory catheters as they'll fucking piss themselves senseless.)

There's so much more love for cosplay, anime, manga, games and the whole culture at a convention that makes Expo feel heavily watered down, drawn out and stuffed with so many idiots that I feel if I stick around any longer than 3 hours I need to get to the bar to kill my braincells with beer before the ambient stupidity does it for me- I'm looking you twats dancing at the exit to the ticket hall, picked a more inconvenient spot to dance? Yes? Go die in a fire, you make me want to tear my spine out through my mouth and beat you to death with it.

Now, if you ever used the line "Expo was like kicking away horseshit with a fine pair of Italian loafers to get to a bar of gold at the bottom, and by that I mean I only endured the feckarama to see my wonderful friends" or similar, then link this blog to your facebook and for the love of David Hasselhoff's glorious chest hair use the word "feckarama" in your daily vocabulary.

~Warai Otoko