When you go to a convention or expo there'll be certain types of attendees. I won't get into the classification, just for one group; the Con Drunks. Generally you can find these bastards at the bar, always at the bar getting smashed before a panel or if you're at an AL event you'll find the con drunks wearing a con badge itching for the cheapest weakest babypisswater applejuice cider they can act tough with. Alright mate, put that kopperberg down before you hurt yourself.
Some of these wonders of society actually go to panels and do stuff. I'd like to think that I'm not a con drunk, even though I spend a lot of the time at one under the influence but then again I have the alcohol intoxication control of an anorexic straightedge long distance runner. Doesn't take a lot to get me drunk. But why do we turn up, get drunk at a place where we PAY to do stuff that is better done sober? Well, because it's fun, so shut the fuck up I'm not here to discuss why, go suck a dick.
Now here's someone to stay away from, don't even try to help this con goer because chances are you'll get yourself tangled in a right ass-hat of a mess. It'll happen just before the end of party/evening and you'll see someone (probably in a vocaloid or kingdom hearts cosplay) scream down the phone at someone and cry into it dramatically. Seriously, turn the fuck away, go to your room and go the fuck to sleep. You'd be a pretty daft vagina to go to them and ask if they're okay because holy shit their plan for attention worked! Guys, don't even think this'll get you any poon because if it's a girl she'll most likely spring a line on you so heartbreaking you'll think she's been stuffing pocky in her ear to make her brain taste yummy. Lines such as:
- I only like Japanese people
- Oh I can't! My heart belongs to Negiri Atshitsukehamayama-Kun
- I'm bi, and that was one of my lovers on the phone
- No my character would never do that!
- Can I just be your pet?
- You pronounced Onee-sama wrong!"
(These are all real lines btw)
Another group to stay away from, just ignore is the Walt Brigade. A Walt is, as the wonderful ARRSEpedia tells us a Walt is a wannabe soldier, re-enactment cnut. Push this to the storm troopers, elves, steampunk clique, or any group in some form of uniform. Not all are as bad as the ones at the bar who sing faux-war songs and shout out their rank as if they were in 'Nam, then again what do we know; we weren't there.. man. Just steer clear, or make a drinking game from how many times they do something cringeworthy like circle jerk or spray hot seedy ego boosts all over the highest rank; as if they were a bukkake party of salutes and "yessirs". I love storm troopers though, if they keep the full costume on cus that's dedication so I'd let them off for that.
My personal favourite drunk is the kind who doesn't know who what or where he or she is. Hilarious, because if you fall into this catagory you deserve all the trolling that's coming to you. Seriously the last guy I managed to convince his name was Rufus and he needed to fetch Scowny a coffee.
Generally what happens when you throw over dramatic and emotional unstable weebs in one place, add in every Bleach soundtrack then add alcohol is a lot of broken friendships. It happens every convention, it's like three stacked mountain goats couldn't see that coming.
~Warai Otoko
Ps. May post more on this later, you lucky lucky people.
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